When Your Butt's Too Big
by quiksand
Summary: Gene and Phineas find themselves and their true feelings behind Brinker's big butt.
1. Love

**Note**: to the cake-sniffing readers. This was written by three best pals, otherwise known as Gene, Phineas, and Brinker. We do not own _A Separate Peace_ by John Knowles. However, we do own this story. Flames are not welcome... we put our heart and soul into this story. This was a joint-effort between a writer known as strawberryfinn, who you can visit here at and the writer known as quiksand and an anonymous writer named Twinkle-Bobs. We put a lot of effort to this in our chop-suey station in San Francisco.We hope you realize how amazingly written this story is! Nominate it for the Nobel Prize.

Once upon a time there were 2 little boys named Gene and Phineas. One day they decided to play a game of hide-and-seek.

Phineas was "it". He leaned against a tree and counted. "1…2…3…"

Gene wandered around in circles. Being an unintelligent child, he hid behind a nearby Brinker Hadley and his large rear end.

Brinker's butt was so large that Phineas could not see Gene anywhere.

"Ready or not, here I come," he said, looking wildly around. "Oh Gene, where are you?"

Haha, thought Gene, he'll never find me here. I won't make a noise. Then Brinker sat down.

Oh my God, thought Gene. He couldn't breathe. He started to see stars and food. And then, little bubbles of air burst into his face and his face felt warm.

_I'm dying_, he thought vaguely, so he screamed loudly, "I'm here! I'm here Finny!"

Phineas pushed Brinker into the Devon River, and pointed at Gene. "Haha! I win! You lost! Loser!"

Poor Brinker with his ginormorous butt was floating around in the river. His tub-of-lard was like a floatation device, except he was floating upside down. He could barely breathe and then he saw the little mermaid.

"This is a little slice of heaven," he murmured under the water, and then passed out.

Meanwhile, Gene started to cry at his defeat. "That's not fair."

Phineas ignored him and continued his gloating. "I won, I won, I won…"

Gene pulled himself to his full height and said, "I hate you Finny!"

Finny bristled in anger. "I hate you too!"

Gene smirked, "Well _I _won because _I _said I hated you first!"

Finny began to cry, being an immature little brat. "No, that's not fair!" He hit Gene hard on the head, and made Gene cry even harder.

"I'm sorry Finny! I'm sorry! I wanted to break your leg, but my love for you stopped me. I love you! I LOVE YOU!"

Finny grinned at him. "I love you too pal. Let's go to San Francisco."

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	2. San Francisco

NOTE: Thanks for all the reviews and those who did nominate our stories for the Nobel Prize. Thanks. Here's the next chapter. Review again!

Part 2:

Once in San Francisco, Gene and Phineas went to go see the Jelly Belly Factory.

"I like this pink one," said Gene. "Finny would you please buy it for me for a wedding gift?"

"No," said Finny. "Naturally, I don't have any money. How about **you** buy it for me?"

Gene felt a stab of jealousy and hatred. How dare he, he thought. Phineas, my blood brother and fiancé, try to ruin my health by not getting me a bag of jelly beans!

"Come on, pal," said Finny. "Let's just steal it." So Finny and Gene shoplifted a big bag of jelly beans. They tried to hide it under their shirts, but then they looked like Eggie, and as Finny said, that was undignified. So they just marched out the factory with it.

Brinker appeared out of nowhere, you see, he had floated all the way down to San Francisco Bay, and spotted Finny holding a huge bag of jelly beans!

"Aha!" he yelled. "Those sweet jelly beans are mine!"

Gene stared. "Your butt's too big already," he said, but Brinker ignored him and proceeded to beat up Phineas for the bag of candy.

"Owwie!" shouted Phineas. Brinker punched him in the stomach, leaving Phineas doubled over, and grabbed the candy.

"BABY!" shouted Brinker, hugging his candy.

"MY HERO!" shouted Gene, looking at Brinker. "I've been trying to show my fiancé all this time how much of a coward he was all this time! This," he said, sidling up to Brinker, "is a real man."

Phineas looked in amazement at Brinker and Gene skipping away, leaving him with the bums in the sewer. Then he started to cry.

"I'm going to kill both of them."

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